Monday, April 25, 2011

Life after KPNX and Phoenix TV

I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I last posted. So many things have happened in my life and after the winning of "the one", I haven't really felt any real desire to rant about something that is all over the internet. I lost a sister due to diabetic complications (some of my family members including me, believe she overdosed on insulin on purpose, therefore one might call it a suicide)
One the hand, I got married to a very sweet woman who hails from Boston. Imagine that, me an Alabama born, Colorado raised cowboy marrying a New Englander. It's different being married after I have spent so long living by myself and taking care of my sick mom. I also got laid off from a job I loved after 10 years of working my ass for them. I have spent over a year trying to find a new job in TV operations, but the markets are so tight as so many stations are going to automation.

Throughout it all, I have been suffering debilitating anxiety/panic attacks that my doctor doesn't seem to know what causing them. Don't get me wrong, outside stresses contribute to these attacks and aggravate them, but they come on for no reason as I can't consciously figure out what is causing them. Somedays, all I can do is curl up in a ball on the couch and watch tv to try and keep my mind occupied. Oh, I know people say try breathing exercise, yoga, going out for a walk and other such things, but nothing has helped to ease them when I get them except medication. Which brings me to another point.

Most of my life I have suffered from these anxiety attacks. Sometimes they last a few days, a few weeks and lately now, the last 2 years. I have gone to see my doctor any number of times to try and find which medication works and it turns out that xanax worked the best. The problem is, I am a recovering alcoholic and for a doctor to prescribe a narcotic like that is not the smartest idea in the world. Now granted I have not drank consistently through my life. I have had periods of sobriety up to 6 years at one time, the last bout was 4 years. But last November I felt like the wheels were coming off the wagon and I was losing my mind. So I ended up drinking on Nov 25 and then didn't drink again until Dec 27. All this time I was taking xanax which is not good. I woke up the 28th of Dec and decided to quit using any drugs at all or drink. Not such a good idea. I wasn't taking a whole lot of xanax, 1 to 2 mg a day to take the edge off, but it started to become an obsession and I knew I was in trouble. So I asked my wife to take me down to a 30 day drug rehab center to get cleaned up as I didn't want to drink anymore. It wasn't so much the xanax I was afraid of, it was the drinking. And I wasn't going that road as I knew I wouldn't come back this time. Life had become so dark and hopeless that I was staring into the abyss and didn't want to be another drunk that died from alcoholism.

Anyway, this will be my last post from Phoenix as my wife and I decided to move the boston area to seek new opportunities. I've always been fascinated with the northeast and Boston in particular and it should be a new adventure. 16 years in Phoenix is a long time and I feel I've tapped out here as far as TV goes. So I bid Phoenix goodbye and work my way to Boston. And perhaps my next post will be from Boston. To all my friends here, I will miss you dearly and I will try and stay in touch, but for now, I bid Phoenix adieu and move on to new adventures.