A new member of the family & part 3 of "Inside the Hanoi Hilton" and my youngest, "the Spitfire" turns 16 today

Once again I am out. I have 4 more days to go till "wheels up" & "Feet Wet" as the military says. The last couple of days inside the Hanoi Hilton have been hot, as evidenced by the number of people who have suffered heat exhaustion and the guys that have used the cold drinking water to soak their towels to wear over their heads. So far, I haven't found the experience that unbearable, although not desirable. I will be glad to go wheels up on Tuesday I am hoping and that part of my penance for my indiscretion will have passed.

I managed to get out a Ladmo bag, intact and took some pictures. That wasn't such a big deal, I simply opened it and took the contents and filled the pocket of my sports "work coat" that I always wear to the station and walked out. Contrary to what some malcontents will say, the bread is not moldy, it is sealed in a plastic container. The meat in this particular package was turkey, though I didn't have the stomach to try it out. I spent the last 3 days subsisting on candy bars and sunkist soda, and then water for the most part. The last 3 days were the toughest as I went in at 1:30 am Monday night and didn't get out until 1:30 pm on Thursday. I am about 15 lbs overweight going in and now I have lost about 10 lbs, so I am down 150 which is 5 lbs from my normal weight. I was going to sneak out a 'dinner' but it was so rank and I kept it for 2 days and then decided that after sitting in the heat for a couple of days, it would start smelling even worse than it did when it was fresh. In the ladmo bag, you also get some 'cheese nips' and an orange, which didn't seem too happy. I refused to partake of the "Hanoi Hilton" cuisine as I figured, I could wait until I got out. As for the 'dinner', you know the pigeons there know when it's feeding time for the inmates. They swoop down like WWII german stuka bombers and plant themselves on the top of the tents, waiting for the scraps and leftover that many of the 'inmates' throw out for them. I have seen rats, or rather mice, darting through the tents, though many of the 'old timers' say that they don't really bother humans.

The guards, once they get used to knowing what your M.O. is, get friendlier. Some of them still exhibit the 'Barney Fife' syndrome and try to intimidate you. I have been refused my medication at least 5 times, being told at various times that I was too late, or we were on lockdown and to come back later only to be told that again, I was too late. There was one female D.O. who actually apologised all over herself for me not getting my medication and allowed me to get it at 2am. There is also a couple of nightside D.O.'s that if you are square with them and show them respect, they are nice guys. I have actually talked to them about what is going on in the news and tried to treat them as I would anyone, with respect. I do have to remember, the amount of people they see in any given time, the responsibility they have and what people that are contentious to them are like. They are just trying to do their job.

All things being equal, I am willing to bet, they don't want to see the worst of what humanity has to offer. Luckily, the work release and for the most part, work furlough guys are all just normal people that made a mistake. I have talked to a few that seem to think it's somehow glamorous to be in "the tents". I think however, they are really wracked with fear and don't know another life other than breaking the law and have contempt for any kind of authority and 'normal people' that are doing their sentences and then are released. Obviously, since the male and female populations are separated, I haven't got any stories from any of the women in there, though some I have seen, seem to make a life of bouncing in and out of jail for various offenses.


I am thankful however, that God has allowed me this experience with the patience and humility he has bestowed on me. I am just a simple guy that enjoys my life and truly am wanting to make amends for my mistake. I refuse however, to accept that it makes me a bad person. I do those judgmental comments and looks from people and just accept what they say and drive on. I am also thankful that I wasn't involved in a more serious incident which caused me to end up there. Without the support of my friends and family, I know it could be harder, and I feel empathy for the ones in there that have no one on the outside to support them as I have. I try to respect and be nice to everyone and there are some in there that regard me with suspicion as many have said, "I shouldn't be there" or "I don't look like the kind of guy that did anything wrong." Well, what does one have to look like to get charged with a DUI anyway.

I have tried to reach out to a few in there, trying to steer them or entice them to seek help after they leave for drug and alcohol problems as I usually make my way to the TV tent before I go sleep at night. I find some of the guys there that have regarded AA or NA or whatever as some kind of 'cult' and I have to explain that so far, AA and it's affiliates have done more to turn people's lives around. Addiction is not a good thing and it's often fatal in whatever form it takes. I talked to one young guy, about 25, who has his 3rd DUI and because it wasn't in the amount of time to amount to a felony, he has 90 days to do. I told him that he's lucky as normally 3 gets you prison time and is a felony. He said that he didn't think he had a 'drinking problem' and gave me all the usual excuses for drinking, i.e., his job was tough, he broke up with his girlfriend, he got evicted, etc. I told him, "did you ever think that maybe drinking might have caused these problems? and maybe you do have a problem?" he seemed to take what I said and recognize it but then again told me in the next breath that once he got out, him and a new girl he knew, were going to Vegas and that the first thing he was going to do was drink a cold beer. Well, I guess, once he ends up in Clark County jail in Vegas, God Forbid, maybe what we talked about might come to light. I am hoping that he will think about what we talked about and he will have a change of heart. But I nor anyone else can get a person sober or clean and my years in TV, radio and playing rock n roll have shown me how prevalent addiction is and how easy it is to stay trapped. Rock n Roll is a vicious game baby, rock n roll is a vicious game. Once I go wheels up, I will relate some of the things I saw and heard in the Hanoi Hilton from the journal I have been keeping in there. I am looking so forward to getting out and being able to start working on the new CD and moving on.

On somewhat of a lighter note. I know I can never replace Buddy. For those of you who haven't read much of this, Buddy was my Siamese kitty cat that my son dropped on me about 8 years ago and died of liver disease in March. Tonight, my sister Pepita came over with a gift. I was elated. The picture here is him hiding under a blanket on my mom's bed. Speaking of which, she just fell in love with him as did I. We have a long standing tradition in our family of having a chow dog and a Siamese cat. He is just adorable. So after I am released, we have 2 new additons to the family. We have a little grey kitty, female, named "Shammy" or Chamois, since my other sister Pam, visiting from Colorado, rescued her from a car wash where she was abandoned. She went over to an animal rescue person and has been nursing from a mother whom also is the mother of the new Siamese. So, Molly and Takai and Tessie the dog, are going to have to get used to 2 kittens once they are weaned. When I saw the little Siamese, I just fell in love with him and he does have the "Buddy" voice that Siamese' are noted for. But he just had that aura around him, so I decided that I am going to adopt him and once he reveals the name he wants, I will let you know. I sure am not going to call him Buddy, but he will answer to a name he loves. So, if anything, as bad a health as my mom is in, I bought her a new violin, which she just loves and started playing when I gave it to her and she now has 2 kittens to keep her mind of the health problems. She just lit up when she saw the siamese and she was playing the violin. My mom gave me the gift of music and since she lost her violin some years ago, she really wanted another. And I told her not to hog it as I may need it when I start working on "An Act of Bob" for Bobslayur. I am hoping that this second CD will be more focused that "A clean mind is the sign of a sick car." My friend Lee says I should write for Weird Al Yankovich with some of the crazy ideas I come up with, LOL. Touche!


So, at this point, I am justing in a holding pattern and waiting for the time to go Wheels up. I am just glad that the next couple of days, I will be out working and it's going to be a busy weekend programming wise at the station. Also, I received an email from Claire Massey. She is the songwriter that I love that was part of the 80's band "The Tami Show" and has "Suncat Muse", one of my favorite albums out. She said that she will be sending me her 3 song EP real soon and I am anxious to hear it, as I love her and her band's work. I promise to let you know how it is and if Claire doesn't mind, I might post partial takes on the songs. I also am waiting to get hold of her new album when she has it competed. You can find her site at http://www.planetclaire.com/.
She has a newly designed website and some of her music there and ordering information. As I have said, if you want some good old fashion rock n roll that really kicks and is good, give her a listen. I just love her music and maybe one of these days I might get to meet her and maybe do some work with her, LOL.

Anyway, a big thank you to my friends, family and most certainly God, for helping me endure what I have endured so far. It's starting to heat up here in Phoenix and another summer is upon us. I will get back to my assault on the pinheads about "Blowhard Smarming" though a good friend of mine wants to have a discussion, LOL. And I love her, we have been friends for about 3 years and she now lives in Washington and her brother is some kind of pointy headed biologist. But we can argue and still be friends. Anyway, I close with the best thoughts and thanks to everyone and I will be back with another installment from the "Hanoi Hilton" as time permits.

And finally, my youngest daughter, Kayleigh Marie, ( I love that name, always have) turns 16 today. I tried calling her but she must be busy tearing up the streets of Greeley, Colorado with her new license and I suppose my other wonderful and brilliant daughter Megan, who is 18 and graduating with honors from high school, is busy keeping the "Spitfire" as I call her in line. My daughters are my love and their mom is really a very good mother, as is their stepfather, they have done a great job with them. In fact all my kids make me realize just how precious life is. My kids are the most wonderful thing in the world. I have often said that there are only 3 real works of Art in the world and that's my kids, a good guitar and a good woman. Happy Birthday, Kayleigh Marie. Kayleigh's band, Sin!Clair has a link on the right side of the page and I am going to try and see if I can get hold of some of their tracks and mix them for them and maybe even do some producing. My kids are all so talented, they are all wonderful human beings, God bless them. So, Kayleigh, I love you and stay out of trouble please and keep on rocking, cos I am listening!

Til we meet again,

Over the hump almost, another installment inside the Hanoi Hilton

Well, I was out for one more day on work release. Tuesday and Wednesday, I will be spending at the 'tents' for a full 48 hours or more until I get out at 1:30pm on Thursday to go to work. So far, it's been ok and it doesn't really bother me knowing that I will be out next week around Wednesday.

They moved our tent over to a newly completed tent that has the new frames. They have been erecting frames on the concrete slab where the tents rest in order to do away with the poles that are usually used. Funny, my bunk was 5620 (tent 56, bunk 20) and now I am at 1945, which holds some kind of significance for me since I love WWII history. I have been reading while here, some things printed on the web about Tent city and DUI's and other things. I do agree that it is certainly not a good thing to drive while drinking and there should be consequences, but I think the system goes overboard, even as the one guard told me the same thing. I am not complaining by any means. I know what I did and I am taking full responsibility for my mistake. I think it's interesting how so many people are uninformed about DUI laws in Arizona though. This is a NO TOLERANCE state. It doesn't matter whether you had one beer or several. They claim the legal limit is .08 but that doesn't mean anything, as it is a NO TOLERANCE state. That means that the arresting officer can cite you with DUI if your BAC is .03, .05 or .08 or .250. They make the determination and usually they will hit you with it. Let me tell you why.

$$MONEY$$

Plain and simple. Since most average taxpayers are reticent to have the taxes raised, they get around it by imposing daunting fines and fees in connection with traffic offenses and to 'teach you a lesson.' When you are charged with a DUI, you go into the system and they make you 'patronize' institutions connected to the court system that supports their jobs. Also, they hit you with a 'DPS Fund' that is money not set for the Dept of Public Safety or in other states known as the Highway Patrol. Local agencies share in that money to fund new equipment and officers. It is spread amongst the various agencies and some of goes toward prison building, for our esteemed Gov, Janet Napalareno, no finer man that walked the planet I say and now that we have gone HD at work, when he shows up, he will need more MAACO auto body puddy to cover up that 5 o'clock shadow.

I don't have much time to post more of my experience tonight as I am on a time constraint, but I wanted to prime anyone who reads this for the next installment when I get more time. I harbor no ill will toward anyone in the "Hanoi Hilton", how can I? I wasn't thrown in there for being a 'good guy', but I wasn't thrown in there for being a 'bad guy' either. I was put in there because I broke the law, plain and simple. I made a mistake and thank God it wasn't tragic, but a mistake nonetheless, but I can say, the 'D.O.'s' go way overboard to make your stay as unpleasant as possible. I guess that's the price you pay for doing something dumb. But that's what it is, a mistake.

I will try and explain how the system works and break down all the various fines and fees they impose on you when I can. I am also on a mission to get a 'Ladmo Bag' out so I can photograph it and put it on the next post so people can see what they look like. The one on the left is the original bag they gave children who went to the old TV show here in Phoenix. The version Sheriff Joe gives you to eat is well, less appealing to say the least. For those of you that don't know, Wallace & Ladmo was a popular TV show through the 60's & 70's here in Phoenix that was broadcast on my former TV station, KPHO Channel 5. It was very popular. That's the cast up in the right.

Some of the people in there feel they have been done a severe injustice, or they were wrongly done. Let me explain something, I am not a convict. I wasn't 'convicted' of anything. I chose to plead guilty and until you get an aggravated DUI or one that involves personal injury, including death or destruction of property, it's still a misdemeanor. Until you are 'convicted' in trial by judge or jury, you are not a convict. I am not trying to make light of anything about my particular situation so much as I am trying to describe my experience in the "Hanoi Hilton". It's not pleasant by any means, but it's not unbearable either. If you decide to get through it with a good attitude, you can. There is no sense in having a bad attitude when you go in as in most cases, it's going to pass. And again, I say, you wouldn't be in there if you hadn't done anything wrong in the first place. I am amazed at some of the people I have talked to who claim they shouldn't be in there for what they did or they are living in mortal terror of being there. It still is, for all intents and purposes, America and you can either use the experience as a learning tool to not repeat the mistake or you can let it embitter you against law enforcement or society in general.

I am trying to remain an impartial observer of all I see and hear while there. Once I get out and finalize my notes, I will bring some things to light to help people who read this. I don't like being there, but I have to be there, it's what I am supposed to do. Someone asked me the other day if I felt bad about myself or any shame for what happened and I said, no, why should I? If I felt bad for every mistake I ever made in my life, I would probably be dead by now, most of us would. I am lucky in the fact that I wasn't involved in an accident or hurt someone, including myself. I am also lucky in the fact that it could have been a lot worse. I have a lot of friends that are helping and supporting me in this time of tribulation and God is with me where I go, so I don't fear anything. I will get through this with a greater appreciation of all that is good in our system and an awareness of what is wrong and needs to be addressed, including drunk driving. Reading some of the stories I have read many stories and seen a lot of stories in my career in broadcasting to know how serious it can be. In fact, I can recommend a good website to go to where you can read some horrific stories about DUI and it's consequences here. Trust me, it ain't pretty.

So, Thanks to all my friends and family that have supported me thus far. I have to get ready to go spend the next 2 1/2 days in the "hanoi hilton" and just get through it. Stay tuned, I will post some more of my experience when I can get back to a computer to do so. Until then, don't drink and drive or in the words of the late Flip Wilson, "Don't have one more for the road cos the road is already laid out." I will be back soon and maybe I can show you all the great 'cuisine' they serve in the Hanoi Hilton.

Inside the "Hanoi Hilton" Day 1-4

So I have made it this far. I have been garnering some interesting stories about both "inmates" and "guards" at the "Hanoi Hilton". I am going to post some of my observations for you, dear reader, whomever you are, to read. It's quite the experience. It's not really frightening though it certainly isn't pleasant. Various stories from people I have met and stories that happened before I got in there.

I spent Tuesday, going in at 1:30 pm to almost 7:15 pm in the "tank". This is where they process you and others before they send you to the "tents". That is the worst part. They handcuff and shackle your feet and then frog march you, after being driven from the Lower Buckeye jail, to the Towers jail facility. They are definitely out to humiliate you in any manner they can. One guard I talked to while being processed, told me that he thinks they have gone way overboard on the DUI issues as he said "they need to work on catching the real bad guys and not the drunks that haven't done anything bad, except drive." He didn't say that he thought Drunk Driving shouldn't be punished, rather that if a guy has a few too many, they shouldn't be made to spend 10, 15 or 30 days, sometimes 90 days in jail. He also told me that he shouldn't tell me that, but that's how he felt. He said, they should punish DUI people, but the ones he said, he sees repeatedly, 4 or 5 or in one case he said, a guy who had 10 DUI's and has since been incarcerated for quite a long time now. I told him that I thought my particular sentence was a little harsh, but under the circumstance, I had the responsibility for doing what I did. He agreed. After processing, they then send you to the tank to head over to the tents.

I lay awake in my bunk at night after checking back in, listening to the dissonant chorus of 20 guys snoring. Kind of like listening to rap music. I can hear the sound of generators in the night from both the tower lights and the distribution center nearby. I also hear at occasional odd hours, the sounds of the PA as the D.O.'s announce the "kick-outs", people who need to leave at 3 am, 4 am, etc telling them to go to the gate. Kicks outs are people leaving to go to work. And occasionally, I hear them calling a particular "inmate" to the office, usually a work furlough guy, for whatever reason. Work furlough inmates have it worse than people like me, "work release." They have to report anywhere they go, work, home and the sheriff's deputies are constantly checking up on them. On top of that, they get their checks from work and take out all the jail expenses and child support, which many of them are in for, and then give the rest back. I heard of one case where one guy was only getting his check of $7 bucks and another told me that he knew of a guy that was getting approx, .25 cents after they deducted all the expenses. Ouch!

Most of the guys I have met in there are regular joes like me, that made a mistake. Many of them have huge resentments against the legal system, among other things, and blame others for being there. I have heard of guys in there that vow revenge for being jailed on some of the guards, though I am sure that they are usually idle threats, borne out of frustration more than anything else.

The guards are something else. I have been watching one in particular that seems to think he is Sheriff Joe himself. And most of the "con-tents" as they are called, just hate him. I won't give his name now, but they have various nicknames for them. I have taken to calling him "Reinhard Heydrich" after the Nazi SS thug in WWII that was responsible for exterminating many Czechs and Poles and one of the architect's of the "final solution". assassinated by czech partisans by a bomb after succumbing to his wounds about a week after. If you want to read about him (Heydrich) click his name. The guard in question, I am sure is certainly not a nazi, but you can see where these people get a little bit of power and they abuse it over people who can't defend themselves. One wrong word and they "roll you up", sending you into "stripes", the uniform that Sheriff Joe is famous for.

Some of the stories are legion. They employ a tactic that resembles what the Nazi's called "Nacht und Nebel which means in English "Night & Fog". This was a tactic where the gestapo would raid a person's house at night and then take the person away, with his neighbors waking up the next day wondering what happened to him. Basically, they just vanish and history shows it was usually a concentration camp to meet the final end. I don't make the comparison to the Nazi's so much as I point out, that in that environment, they have complete control over what happens.

An example recently was a TV crew that was touring "Tent city". What happened was, an inmate in work release made the mistake of talking to them and showing them the "Green Bologna" stuff or the "Ladmo bag", the "food" they feed you with, named after the beloved character on the old Wallace & Ladmo show here in Phoenix. How's that for irony? feeding inmates subpar food named after a children's show character. So, anyway, I guess, the guards put it out that they were not to say anything bad about the jail or sheriff Joe or the food. Long story short, after the crew left, the inmate was quietly whisked off by the D.O.'s and put into "stripes", never to be seen by the inmates where he was staying (Nacht und Nebel). No word at this point what became of the guy. No one knows.

Now, I don't want to infer something here, but Sheriff Joe I am sure, doesn't condone some of the actions the D.O.'s take, he can't. He probably is not really at the tents all that much so, he can't supervise everything. But still, these guards don't have a standardized modus operandi or so it seems. I have been refused my meds, that are from my doctor, for 2 days, even though they have them, they know about them and let me get them once. I was told both times to come back after lockdown and get them, only to go back a little while later to be told, "we already gave out meds, you're too late." I mean, the guard just has to open a locker and let me get them. But, that is one more method of intimidation. I also have noticed they are getting work release people to do hazardous work in the yard, helping set up new tents with metal frames, replacing the old stick types. And one guy said, " Why do I have to do this?" to which the guard replied, "you're in jail, this ain't no hotel and because I told you to. Do you want to go into stripes?". Nice guys.

One more story, an elderly man who was in for 10 days, evidentally had a seizure and the guards lollygagged for 45 minutes before going to see what the problem was. As I heard told, they said "he was probably doing drugs, or drunk or something" and after an hour, the EMT's were called and he was duly spirited away to the hospital. After spending 2 days in the hospital, he had his wife take him back to the jail, to finish the last 2 days remaining on his jail time, only to be put in stripes. Why? well, according to my source, the guards claimed his missed "headcount" and that's why. Well, they were the ones that called the EMT's, they had to have signed something indicating where he was to be taken and then the poor guy shows back up, in good faith, with 2 days to serve only to be thrown into stripes? and I heard he got 30 more days to boot. Truly, something doesn't smell good in Denmark.

So, as the days continue, I will post more as time permits. I have names and situations that I have been gathering from my stay and I will post them at a later time. I have also made arrangements with a good friend of mine that will post them in my stead, should God forbid, something happen to me. Which I am not worried will. But I am going to keep posting on my experiences from my stay and hope that someone will take heed and make the decision to not find themselves in the "Hanoi Hilton." Oh and by the way, the biggest insult is they don't even have coffee, I can deal with no cigarettes for 2 days, maybe 3, but coffee I have to have, there is just no way to get it in the Hanoi Hilton, I could cop a resentment over that, but I won't.

Till we meet again.

Standing at the Crossroads

I am going to jail tomorrow. Yes, I will be spending the next 2 weeks in jail for a DUI that I received in November. It was my second in the last 2 years. So, I am sitting here enjoying the last few hours of freedom for the next 2 weeks.

Now, I am sure there are some that are judgmental saying, "good, you deserve it". Perhaps you are right. But perhaps, you might want to say, "there but for the grace of God, go I." It's certainly not something to be proud of nor something that I will be putting on my resume should I ever decide to look for another job. But, the consolation is if any, is that I will be getting work release, or I am supposed to, so that I can go to work. I will be allowed out for 12 hours a day to go to work and then have to be back after work and stay in 'the tents'. This is the infamous tent city run by the Maricopa Sheriff's Department and none other than Sheriff Joe Arapio. The ironic thing? I know Sheriff Joe personally. I used to technical direct at a radio station some years ago when Joe would fill in for a local show host. He also knows a good friend of mine that I have known for years. Every time I would see Joe, he would ask, "How is Steve?". And when Joe has come to the station, and I was working, he would always say hi. I doubt if I will see him though and even if I did, it probably won't make any difference nor would I expect it to.

Am I worried? not really. A little apprehensive, maybe. Am I scared? no, not really. I figured I brought this on myself and I have no one else to blame. Worrying about something you know is going to happen is pointless. The best thing to do is to just do the best you can, keep your head down and do what is asked and don't cross the guards. I spent a night in there for the 1st one and it was miserable. I didn't get much sleep with the PA blaring constantly and they are always trying to bust people for doing stuff like smoking cigarettes or pot or whatever. They also have a head count and well, they just want to intimidate people.

That's why they call it jail. I am not proud of it. What I did to get there was stupid. Luckily, I wasn't involved in an accident and I am not going to sit here and 'blame' anything or anyone for the circumstance I find myself in. I am certainly not looking forward to being there and I imagine the next couple of weeks, I will probably not get much sleep, except when I get a chance to get home and catch a couple of hours.

But that doesn't end it. After I am released, I will have to spend 47 days on house arrest or detention or whatever the hell you want to call it. I will be monitored for doing any drinking or drugs (that won't be a problem) and I will also have restricted movement as I have to spend 12 hours a day at the house except to go to work. Now, I have other commitments, so I will have to ask what I can and can not do. Since my mom is not in the greatest of health, I will have to do the best I can to make sure she gets and has what she needs. It might allow me some time to get back to working on some music and other things that I haven't been able to do.

Tent city or the 'Hanoi Hilton' as I call it, is a hole. It's old Army surplus tents, set out in a field with fences (obviously) everywhere, a guard tower, a PA system that blares constantly and a huge population. There is no TV, no smoking, no coffee in fact, not much at all. The good thing is, unless I do something that pisses off the guards and I am certainly going to avoid that, I can wear my street clothes. The inmates there for more serious crimes or for longer time have to wear the infamous pink underwear and the 'stripes' that you often see in pictures and on TV. The razor's edge you walk in the 'Hanoi Hilton' is that if you cross the guards the wrong way, they will 'roll you up', meaning they put you in 'stripes' and then you probably end up staying there longer than you should be.

The hardest part is when they take you in for processing and they make you wait in a 'tank' sometimes for up to 8 hours while they take their time. Then they shackle and handcuff you and take you over to the 'yard' where they let you go in. They call that place the 'con-tents'. It will interesting to see in the least. Since I have long hair, I am sure they are going to say I have to cut it. I will politely refuse if they do. The last time I was there they told me that if I didn't cut it, I would go in the 'hole.' I told the D.O. then you will have to put me in the hole. I am not in there for a long time, relatively speaking, and since I do take a shower everyday and wash my hair, or practice good hygiene, I don't see why it's a big deal. But that's part of the intimidation they use.

Anyway, I will try and post my experience while I am there and when I get a chance to get to the computer. I think given my current profession, working in TV and having done 'journalism' and being a 'journalist', I can offer some insights to those who want to know what it's like. Many of the people I will run across are like me, they have done a stupid thing and have to do time for it. I am hoping to get out relatively unscathed, but only time will tell. I have no expectations of what will happen and I am not going to live in fear of anyone or anything. I will get through this, more than likely a wiser and better man for the experience and perhaps I can counsel some of the people in there that struggle with alcohol & drug problems. Maybe I can help someone through their experience there and lead them on to a better life through AA or something. We'll see.

Either way, I am not proud of what I did, it was a very stupid thing to do and I am glad no one got hurt as a result of my careless actions. That being said, that doesn't make me a bad person by any means. It just means I made a mistake. I have thought long and hard about the implications of what happened and I am bound and determined to never repeat the experience. I have worked in the media too long and seen too many stories, some very tragic, that were the result of the very same careless actions that I myself am guilty of.

So, for those of you that know me, wish me luck and say a prayer for me. For those that don't, take heed from my mistake and kindly do not try and repeat it. It is not worth it. just like many times in my life when faced with adversity, I will face it alone. It always seems that I always have to go through such times alone, using only my own skills and knowledge to get through. I have friends that do matter and want to help, but ultimately, it will be just me having to go through this but I will endeavour to get through it as I always have, with God's help.

I will attempt to post all or most of my experience and stories that I bring away from the stay there. I am just praying however, that the time goes fast without any problems so that I can get back to living my life and moving forward. I am going to try and use it as a learning experience and get the most and make the most of a bad situation. Wish me luck, and I will see y'all on the other side.