Tuesday, October 2, 2007

This had to come from a woman, yep, it is

While I was on AOL checking email and doing some other things, I saw this story "Secrets that most men keep". Ok. Being a man myself, the last time I checked, I was intrigued to find out exactly what secrets men keep. Of course, I realize that it's on AOL, but it comes from Redbook (that's a dead giveaway) and it's written by whom? a woman! Well, nice to know that a woman knows what secrets a man will keep.

My problem with this is one that plagues many "news and information" sites, generalization. Often times, we as human beings, tend to generalize ideas and information. Now, you may asking why I choose to post this. Well, as I said, it generalizes men (and women). So, I thought for fun, I would respond to each "secret" that the author lists. Not all men or people for that matter, follow a template. Now, stereotypes do have some truth in basis, but it doesn't always apply to everyone. Not every long haired rock n roll guy takes drugs or hits on any woman, 8 to 80, blind, cripple or crazy. I certainly don't.

But, when a lot of women read this, I am sure, they start thinking and that's where they get into trouble. They get the ole CPU going thinking as they are looking at the "Rib" (my term for a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, husband, wife, etc) that "hmmm, what secrets ARE THEY KEEPING from me?". Then they start the process of digging for answers and often times, there are no answers for them to get, "but damn it, I know he's got some secrets he's not telling me". Instead of just asking the poor guy, they look at everything suspiciously as if he might be a serial killer that the police haven't found! Sometimes, it's just better to let a sleeping dog lie and if the person wants you to know something, I am sure they will tell you!

The reason being is that their rib does not fit the template that Ms. Wegner (the author) has used. She is talking about HER husband more than likely and chances are, her husband is different from other men in that she is used to his M.O. While men and women do share many common traits, we are after all different in many ways and judging all men or women by generalizing is the very thing that causes misunderstandings anyway.

So, I thought for fun, I would try and respond to her statements of what secrets men may keep from their women. I really think this should have been titled "What secrets my husband keeps from me".


You may think you know your husband better than anyone, but chances are he has at least one ''don't-tell-the-wife'' secret -- and he may have 11 of them!

Men get smarter as they age. While a younger man might think being honest is always the best policy, he quickly learns that some things are best kept secret the first time he confesses to his girlfriend that yes, he was watching that pretty young thing in the bikini wash her car.

Women are known for keeping things close to the vest. But what are the things she's been hiding from you? Find out!

Magazine writer and editor Ty Wenger revealed in Redbook what every woman wants to know: What secrets is her husband keeping from her?

Although men who tell too many lies and keep too many secrets risk souring a relationship from lack of trust, some of the more innocuous lies are told and secrets are kept to keep the peace. That is the kind of secret Wenger is revealing. And ladies, some of these secrets will melt your heart and make you so happy you married the man you did.

Eleven secrets most men keep, including your husband:

1. Yes, he falls in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean he wants to leave you.

(Nope, not me. In fact, it's really very rare for me to fall in lust at all. Now, I may be older, but I still love looking at a beautiful woman. After all, there are only 3 works of art in the world to me, my children, a good guitar and a woman. Granted, I might see a good looking woman and think she's beautiful, but that's about all. I think maybe younger guys, many but not all, whose hormones are still raging, may do that, but that's how people are built. We were, after all, designed for the continuation of the species, DUH!)

2. He actually does play golf to get away from you.

(Nope, I don't play golf to begin with, in fact, I don't really like sports anyway. I don't find sitting around the house during a sporting event drinking beer with my buddies and high fiving when "our team" scores applying to me. I would rather something historical or dealing with the scientific or even a really good comedy or watching news to be more preferable to watching sports. As for getting away from the Rib, nah, people need to have interests outside of their marriage or keep interests they had before they were married. I don't see that as getting away from anyone.)

3. He is unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after he has made one to you.

(maybe in the beginning, but who isn't? isn't anyone a bit unnerved by the prospect of buying a new car? of starting a new job? or buying a house? It's natural to be a bit apprehensive about the idea of committing to one person as you have to start figuring out where the boundaries lie. Is the woman going to kill you for talking to a female friend of yours you have known before you were married? is she going to get jealous? or is she just simply going to accept the fact that there is a woman who is a friend of yours, and yes a friend. Commitment in any form can be unnerving)

4. Earning money makes him feel important.

(Well, yes and no. Earning money doesn't make me feel important. Hell, it's a necessity to survive. I don't feel important earning money. I don't really feel important doing what I do for a living. Sure, I have it better than a lot of people in that I still enjoy working the technical aspects of TV, but it's just a job. Thinking about it, I don't really feel important at all. Pride might be a different thing however. I do take pride in doing the best I can in any situation, what person wouldn't?)

5. Though he often protests, he actually enjoys fixing things around the house.

(LOL, usually when I was married, I initiated doing any projects or repairs as it was usually me that saw something that needed to be fixed. However, that being said, I tend to prioritize things, i.e., "if I don't fix this right now, will the house burn down?" or "does this need to be done before the other thing that needs to be done?" I do enjoy fixing and working on things, but that is probably because of my technical adept ability as an engineer. I don't like working on cars anymore, as they have gotten a bit too complicated, though I can. I have always enjoyed taking things apart, seeing how they work and then putting them back together or building something. I have built a couple of hotrods, and any more, I enjoy working on Mac computers)

6. He likes it when you mother him, but he's terrified that you'll become your mother.

(Again, yes and no. In my case, no. What person doesn't like being "mothered"? Women like to be pampered, men may like being mothered in some cases, but not all. I am a big boy now, so although I do love my own mom, I prefer to be my own person and I am old enough now that I don't need to be mothered anyway, I think that job is done)

7. Every year he loves you more.

(that one I can agree with only if she's the one that I really do love, that's self-explanatory. Also another DOH! statement)

8. He really doesn't understand what you're talking about when you discuss "issues" in your relationship. It makes no sense at all to him -- even though he will nod in agreement and apparent understanding.

(That may be true of many men, but not all. For one thing, men usually work off logic more so than women, who tend to be more sensual creatures. Women seem to think more with their feelings than men do. Not all men are afraid to discuss the mechanics of a relationship. Often times, in fact most of the time, it's communication or lack thereof, that dooms a relationship. You have to learn to convey your thoughts and emotions in order to understand the other person)

9. He is terrified when you drive.

(if she's a bad driver, or on the cell phone? hell yeah!)

10. He'll always wish he was 25 again.

(Nope, I don't wish I was 25 again. 25 was a very confusing time. What many people don't see is that 25 is just an older teenager. I don't think people really start maturing until their 30's. Some do, not all, but in my opinion, most people don't really get their sea legs until at least their 30's. Wishing you were 25 again infers that you have regrets, I don't. Everything I am today, good and bad, is the result of the events of growing. Sure, we all could say that we wish we could go back and change something, but you can't, so what's the use of wishing so?)

11. Give him an inch and he'll give you a lifetime. Translation: Let him be a dumb guy and play poker with his buddies or go on vacation alone, and he'll love you forever for that.

(I don't play poker either. No interest in that and I wouldn't dream of going on vacation alone with the "Rib" if I had one. I would prefer taking her with me and both of sharing the experience together. Sure, sometimes you need or want a break from seeing each other all the time, but that's what work is for, LOL. Unless of course you work together! But yeah, it works both ways for men and women. Sometimes, she needs to go out with the girls and have fun and sometimes I may want to spend time with my friends and do something like working with other musicians. It really has nothing to do with getting away from her. Real love is unconditional. If you love the other person, you will be happy to let them be themselves without expectations or conditions.

"And that's the truth," insists Wegner. (according to her anyway)

(Source: Redbook)