Sunday, September 9, 2007

Breaking news from Funnimetric!

Osama bin Laden gives up terrorism. Starts book club

Is a stunning announcement, Osama bin Laden has decided to give up terrorism and start the OBL Book of the Month Club, a book mail order service featuring his favorite authors at discount prices. In an interview with Progressive Book Monthly, Osama said:

bin laden rosie o donnel
Usama Bin Laden promotes book club on Rosie O'Donnell show.

I realized that I didn't have to kill babies to be relevant. I might put my name on a couple of bombings just for some terrorist cred at Yale; kids dig that stuff during teach-ins, but I can reach more people with the written word. Besides, caves are cold and the cell reception is awful.

OBL Book Club members will receive four books for $1.99 and "you just have to promise to buy one more book at regular price," said bin Laden, "and if you affix this sticker you get a telephone shaped like a stick of dynamite. Makes a great gift"

Bin Laden plans an extensive e-mail campaign, "We have this great opening line, 'George Bush's Crusade against people of color, the exploited, the "long-hairs" and others who dare to be different are threatening America: You can fight the Neocon menace by arming yourself with the truth. Four doses of truth for just $1.99 blah blah' I told you the rest. In exchange for his endorsement, bin Laden receives a 2.5% royalty (the maximum allowed according to him) and invites to all campus parties.

Asked why he targeted progressives, Osama bin Laden replied, I was surfing the web for those outdoor speakers that look like rocks and found out that progressives read more books. Bigger market."

Bin Laden says most books will be political in nature, but "we'll include some cook books, maybe a few thrillers...children books and some Jihad-Environmentalist fusions like Taliban- How Stone Age thinking can Stop Global Warming and Geo-Holocaust: Why Worry About Jews When We're Already Killing 50,000 Species a Year. Authors already recommended by bin Laden include:

William Blum's Rogue State: A Guide to the World's Only Superpower, Michael Scheuer's Imperial Hubris, and "everything by Chomsky. He's a genius who revolutionized linguistics- you can't be stupid and think that stuff up -plus, he knows the truth about America and Zionism."

Bin Laden next book signing will be in independent progressive book store Truth to Power. Bree and grape juice at 9:00. "Whatever you do, don't BYOB but bring some friends."

Image from Amazon
Killing Hope: U.S. Military and CIA Interventions Since World War II by William Blum

Image from Amazon
Rogue State: A Guide to the Worlds Only Superpower by William Blum

Image from Amazon
Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance (American Empire Project)

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