Sunday, September 9, 2007

From Fit to print news...

Iraqi Prime Minister Foresees An American Civil War
By fit_to_print_news
8/25/2007, 6:19 pm

Nouri al-Maliki offers Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi a last chance.

(BAGHDAD) Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki cautioned yesterday that the United States could face civil war if disunity continues among differing factions in the United States Congress. "If we can trust CNN and the Arabic edition of The New York Times, it's only a matter of time before a civil war breaks out between the red states and the blue states," Maliki said to a hushed audience of Iraqi veterans and their families, suggesting that the fanatical leaders of Congress "be ousted as swiftly as a convicted thief's left hand is separated from his arm in Saudi Arabia."


Maliki: "Effective legislation requires diplomacy. The Legislative Branch can't just keep issuing nonsensical subpoenas to Executive Branch as if there were no separation of powers, and then blow a gasket in front of the media in order to manipulate the American people."

The first national convention of the Veterans of the Iraqi War of Independence was held in Baghdad's newest Holiday Inn. The V.I.W.I. is Iraq's newest organization of combat veterans.
"I believe the tenor of rhetoric in Congress grows so extreme that it will likely lead to a brutal civil war among rival political factions," Maliki said. He singled out Senators Harry Reid, Patrick Leahy, Carl Levin, and Charles Schumer as well as Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, calling them "haboobs," an Arabic slang term which, loosely translated, means "castrated camel jockey."

"We here in Iraq know a show trial when we see one," Maliki said, referring specifically to the Senate's repeated attempts to take down Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez for the purpose of having the Democratically controlled Senate appoint a new attorney general so that impeachment proceedings against President Bush could begin. "Civil wars have started for lesser reasons," he added.

In what Maliki termed a polite and well-meaning push, he has put the US Congress to a timetable, saying that he expects resolution to several important domestic issues before the first Presidential primary in 2008.

"It is Harry Reid's and Nancy Pelosi's 'last chance'," Maliki stated, making quotation marks in the air with his fingers. "For if the divisive rhetoric doesn't stop, these extremists should voluntarily step down, or members of their party should oust them in the interest of unity."

Maliki urged Congress to come back immediately from its vacation to deal with many unresolved issues. "Permanent tax cuts are a must," he said, "but the issues of immigration and social security, as well as domestic oil extraction and building new refineries are also crucial in preventing the otherwise inevitable slip into anarchy."

Maliki apologized in advance for comments that might appear "discourteous," but added, "It's about time someone said them."