Monday, April 2, 2007

How a left wing newscast would report a terrorist atack

I had to do this.

I was thinking of how sometimes in the TV news business, the news people will over dramatize a story to make it 'sexy'. Of course having the imagination I do, I thought of how a newscast anchored by some liberals might go. Roll the tape...



(Roll open animation) You're watching New Fallujahs news leader, Channel 4 with Biff Ford and Fay Von Braun-Harmon, Frank Aerosol with weather and our token minority, Bruce Littlejock with sports...(fade music under anchors mic's)


Biff
; Good evening, I'm Biff Ford



Fay
; and I'm Fay Von Braun-Harmon, our top story tonight, Global warming, the earth's temperature is skyrocketing and you are to blame, where you can buy carbon offsets and a new bill from the tax increases to help you buy a hybrid car or a new bicycle!



Biff
; That's right Fay Von Braun-Harmon, our other top story, a freedom fighter is dead after he detonated a small tactical nuclear device in LA today, it's feared that thousands in LA may have had their civil rights violated. Downtown has been leveled and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has declared a state of emergency and marshall law. Speaker Pelosi has told the president to calm down and sign the new anti-military defunding bill into law and the Reverend Al Sharpton is on his way out there to make sure minorities weren't discriminated against. It's also being reported that Senator Hillary Clinton was due to arrive out there after she attended a $100, 000 fund-raiser in San Francisco... Good for her...



Fay
; the so-called 'selected' president is trampling on our civil rights again and this all could have been prevented if we had national healthcare. We are watching developments as they happen, our on-the- site reporters, Susan Sarandon and Al Franken will bring us updates as they come in...but first, let's check our weather and our carbon dioxide level, Frank? did you get any new carbon offsets today?



Frank
; Tragic story out of LA, we probably deserved it, anway, you bet Fay Von Braun-Harmon! I bought more carbon offsets and I got this nifty green ribbon that I am wearing, I got you guys one too, (handing ribbons to other anchors) for contributing to Al Gore's Snakeoil and Carbon Offset emporium. We here at Channel 4 care about the environment more than you do and we are proud to help out. Go to our website and click on the link to find out where you can contribute to saving the environment.


Fay; that's because we care, Frank, our earth is the most precious thing we have and my kids are so worried that the poor polar bears are going to die, it's so sad. Just sad



Frank
; Awww, sorry to hear that, Fay Von Braun-Harmon, well let's get to the ozone layer folks...a lot of things happening up there right now...(walking to weather wall) hope you're all observing the no-bean & meat eating ban imposed today...Things are looking clear for Madam Pelosi as she wings her way in Air Force one to San Francisco to set up her command post after her fund-raiser in Simi Valley. I hope she purchased enough carbon offset credits for her trip...

(laughter from the other anchors)


and so it goes...

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